.Relationship expert Tracey Cox reveals what your other half
wants in bed
.Women like being told how sexy they are but don't like to be
pressured
.Men say women aren’t the only ones with insecurities about
their bodies
By TRACEY COX FOR BE INFORMED
PUBLISHED: 06:57 GMT, 25 May 2016 | UPDATED: 06:57 GMT, 25
May 2016
Ever wish you came with a set of instructions that you could
just hand over to your lover?
Well, here’s some basics for starters. Feel free to
customise!
WHAT WOMEN WISH MEN KNEW ABOUT SEX
The more you tell me how sexy I am, in and out of bed, the
sexier I will feel and be. If you tell me I’m boring or unadventurous, it makes
me even less confident and likely to want to try new things.
 |
What do women wish men knew about sex - and what do men wish
women knew about sex? FEMAIL relationship expert Tracey Cox reveals all
|
It’s fine to suggest doing new things and I will try to
indulge you if they’re appealing. But the more you keep harping on and on about
something I’m really not up for, the less respect I have for you and less I
feel like sex. It becomes a war of wills.
It’s not just you, by the way, that wants to try new things
in bed. This is why I find it insulting when you say ‘I wish you’d do more to
me in bed’. Don’t you think I’d like something a bit more original than your
usual two-second grab then straight to the main course? I get bored as well.
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Don’t get paranoid when I do suggest trying something. You
say you want me to be experimental but if your response is always ‘Who did you
do that with and were they better than me?’, I’ll stop.
I like dressing up for sex as much as you like looking at me
in sexy stuff. But let me choose the moment. If I feel fat or ridiculous, I’m
not going to enjoy it. Let me pick the outfit and the time.
Talk to me and listen to me. The more we talk, the closer I
feel to you and the more I trust you. The more I trust you, the more likely I
am to drop my inhibitions
 |
'Wait until we know each other properly before suggesting
something a little out there', Tracey recommends
|
I don’t need you to tell me if I’ve put on weight. Believe
me, I am acutely aware of it. But do tell me when I’m looking good, especially
if you know I’ve been on a health kick. Sad but true: even supermodels find
fault with their bodies and need reassurance.
Get over the girl-on-girl thing. I know you have a thing
about watching two women. It’s harmless and kind of amusing. What’s not amusing
is you constantly asking me to do it. Let me reassure you: the second I’m even
the teensy-weensiest bit bi-curious, I’ll let you know. No need to keep asking.
Make sure you don’t reek of cigarettes and curry or garlic,
all covered up with (the ultimate turn-off) bad aftershave
Touch me half as hard as you like to be touched yourself. My
skin is thinner and more sensitive than yours. What feels normal to you, often
hurts me.
Ask me what feels good. Read my body language. If I pull
away from your touch it means go softer, if I move towards it, it means go
harder.
Smell nice. I don’t mean over-sanitise yourself so you drown
the naturally sexy and distinctive scent of your body. Just make sure you don’t
reek of cigarettes and curry or garlic, all covered up with (the ultimate
turn-off) bad aftershave.
The more housework you do, the more I will feel like sex.
I’ll be less tired and will feel more like an equal partner than a slave.
Don’t try to show off by switching techniques all the time.
It’s annoying not impressive. Ditto changing position.
Don’t assume I only want romantic sex. I like mixing it up
just as much as you do.
Wait until we know each other properly before suggesting
something a little out there. When you do, make it clear it’s still me you want
to make love to, it’s not all about your ‘thing’ and that I don’t have to agree
if I don’t want to.
WHAT MEN WISH WOMEN KNEW ABOUT SEX
Every time a woman looks in the mirror and thinks, ‘Do I
look fat in this?’ a man looks down and wonders ‘Am I big enough?’. You aren’t
the only one with insecurities.
Sex is much more than a physical act for me. I also use it
to express love. Sometimes I find it difficult to express emotion and sex is a
way of getting physically close to you.
When you reject sex with me, I feel like you’re rejecting me
as a person. Don’t stop being affectionate just because you don’t want sex.
My sexual system is different than yours. I need you to tell
and show me specifically what you want so I can understand your body properly.
Please don’t expect me to mind-read: we’ll both end up frustrated and
disappointed. Say I rub the wrong bit and you think I’m an idiot?
You aren’t the only one who can fake orgasms and I do it for
all the same reasons you do. If I’m tired and know I won’t climax, or had too
much to drink, sometimes it’s easier to fake it than explain.
Don’t be insulted if I don’t rise to the occasion every
single time – especially at the start. The hotter you are and the more I like
you and want to impress you, the more anxious I get.
My bits are out there, not hidden like yours. If the
equipment doesn’t work when I most desperately need it to, it’s humiliating. I
can’t fake excitement like you can. I might be able to fake an orgasm but I
can’t fake an erection. And that’s all before I’ve even had time to worry about
it ending too soon or what’s going on with you and your bits.
 |
Sexpert Tracey says women aren't the only ones with
insecurities
|
Just because I want to try new things, doesn’t mean I don’t
think you’re sexy. Don’t take it as an insult. I just need and want variety.
I’m a visual person. I like to look at sexy things. There’s
nothing sinister about me looking at the odd bit of porn. I don’t make a fuss
about you reading erotic novels.
Stop worrying about your body. It’s great that you take care
of yourself but please stop stressing about the wobbly bits. I focus on the
parts I love, not the bits you hate.
On the topic of your body, I know it’s a cliché but I do
love it when you wear sexy underwear. It’s foreplay for my eyes. The only thing
better than you dressed in Agent Provocateur is when you add a pair of high
heels.
I understand that we don’t always want sex at the same time
or the same amount. But it really helps if you don’t just say no, you say when
it might be possible.
I know your sex drive is affected by your monthly cycle. But
can you give me a bit of a heads up as to when is the right time to make a
move? Let’s make the most of that time, rather than focus on when you don’t
feel like it.
I know you have a vibrator so why hide it in the drawer?
Take it out and take the pressure off me
When you act like you’re only have sex to please me, it
makes me angry and disappointed. I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. It’s
really nice when you initiate sex. It makes me think you like it as much as I
do.
I know you have fantasies, just like I do. As much as I
don’t necessarily want to hear about ones involving other people (I’m already
paranoid you fancy my best mate more than me!), I love hearing what turns you
on.
I know you have a vibrator so why hide it in the drawer?
Take it out and take the pressure off me. But please let it be a nice, small,
discreet model.
Can we have sex anywhere but in the bedroom? And if that’s
not possible (kids, your Mum staying over), can we at least skip the bed?
For more of Tracey’s advice, books and products visit www.traceycox.com
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